Long Island Iced Tea is one of the hardest drinks to make well because, while strictly speaking anyone with the proper ingredients can mix one, only those who truly understand the artistry of mixing drinks can make them well. Why is the Long Island so difficult to properly make? It involves properly mixing 5 shots of hard alcohol with a little coke and lemon or sweet and sour mix into an average-sized juice glass and served on the rocks. The amount of liquid and the size of the glass alone leave little room for failure, much less the challenge of making a concoction of: Vodka, Gin, Tequila, Triple Sec, and Rum taste alcohol-free. Made properly, a Long Island is one of the best and smoothest drinks ever; made improperly it’s a disaster of epic proportions, sort of like the current state of GH
Garin Wolf certainly had his work cut out for him when he took over for Guza as head writer of Disney/ABC’s last remaining daytime sudser, but Wolf also had something that Guza lost about 10 years before – the support of most fans of the show. Granted little else behind-the-scenes changed for GH when Wolf took over the Mac book, and Guza’s stories had to be wrapped up, Wolf still had to work with characters in the aftermath of the stories of Guza that could not be scrapped or significantly changed, but it’s been 6, almost 7, months and the show is little better than it was under Guza. That’s not to suggest that all the current problems with GH are all on Wolf as he’s not the only one who makes story pitches, gives the green lights to stories, determines the budget, and he’s not in charge of the contracts actors have much less the terms contained in them. However, he does have a talented writing staff, for the most part, and one of the best casts in scripted daytime tv. A talented bartender can make a proper and wonderful tasting Long Island regardless of whether the alcohol used is top shelf or not; the same principle should apply for a talented showrunner.
The last time Wolf was steering the good ship Port-O-Chuckles, the show vastly improved until the strike ended and Guza returned. So what gives now? As that question will likely never be truthfully answered, here’s the shoulda, coulda, woulda of Wolfie so far:
- Instead of resurrecting Lisa, how about Georgie Jones, or Sean Kanan’s AJ Q, Alan Q, Tony Jones, Dominique Baldwin, Zander Smith, or Faison?
- Instead of first turning Siobhan psycho only to kill her off, why couldn’t she have just been written off?
- Instead of Lucky losing a child and a son in a little over a season, why couldn’t he and Liz or he and Siobhan have worked through the grief of losing Jake and come out of it stronger and closer?
- Instead of having Matt cheating on Maxie with Liz, why not build and actual, compelling triangle?
- Instead of bringing back Franco, why not bring back just about anyone else in the history of the show including Courtney Matthwes, Bill Eckert, or Katherine Bell?
- If Franco must be brought back, could he at least do the show a favor and kill of Spinelli, Lisa, and Sonny?
- If Michael must be regressed to an immature douche bag, at least give him an age appropriate girlfriend with which it may go along. This could also allow Abby to actually have her gumption and brains back, and possibly even a new romance with Johnny or Nikolas or Ethan or just about anyone else within her relative age group.
- Instead of making Ethan a Spencer-family-know-it-all despite the fact that he wasn’t there for like any of the history he proclaims to get, why not just have made him a Scorpio like he should have been all along?
- why not use conversations between the Spencer siblings to actually put the history of Laura’s incarceration right, or at least not further bastardize it, which only further insults fans and GF, in a way?
- why not give Emma a sibling and actually address Robin’s HIV status with regards to her pregnancy this time? Yes, KMc’s leaving makes this moot, but still.
- instead of giving every Spencer sibling, but Ethan a substance abuse problem, why not come up with an original story or, what a concept, just allow Lulu and Dante to be happy?
- why aren’t we seeing more inter-generational storytelling and why was Kristina sent off to Yale? Not that Helena is the picture of the warm and fuzzy step-grandmother, but that’s one of the few families with children through grandparents still regularly seen on the show. Why not more of non-obnoxious Michael and the Q’s too for that matter?
Bottom line, bring back Claire Labine and Wendy Riche, whatever it takes. At least let the show have either a fighting chance or go out with some dignity.